the drunk kids, the catholics
my mother insists that i keep my groceries at her house so that i won't give food to my friends. tonight around dinnertime i knocked on the door and she refused to let me in. she called from the upstairs window, "i can't open the door now. come back later." half an hour later i tried again and there was no response, so i kept ringing the doorbell in my impatient way until finally she appeared in a breathless rage.

"you are so inconsiderate!" she said. "i've got important things to do and i can't be running up and down the stairs. you know i don't want to be bothered."

as i was preparing dinner she delivered her usual diatribe: a scathing speech on my uselessness and lack of manners. "i thought by this age you'd be self-sufficient! tara is in her last year of college and she's got a job." (tara is my age and the daughter of my mother's best friend, donna lee. she's sweet enough but rather vapid.) "you're a mess... and you haven't even offered to help out around here - you haven't even said 'is there anything i can do?'"

jokingly: "well, since my mere existence is obviously a burden, i assumed you wouldn't want my help." (many a truth told in jest?)

she continued, "these past few months with you have been so trying. you've had so many opportunities to get better, to see psychologists, to take your medication - and you haven't done anything! and don't blame it on me just because your father hit you every now and then. do you know that donna lee's father beat her every day after school and she's turned out just fine? she's got a job, she's a productive member of society, and she used to get hit just for bringing home the wrong kind of tomato soup! with a belt!"

"what's the difference between getting hit with a belt for bringing home the wrong kind of soup, and getting hit with a belt for eating french fries with my fingers? they're both undeserved."

"just get over it!"

"... and no offense, but donna lee's not exactly the most well-adjusted person on earth. she thinks reading books causes kids to turn out wrong. that's why tara's illiterate."

"at least she's got a job! what's the point of having intelligence if you just sit around being intelligent and don't do anything with your life?"

"i never said i was intelligent."

"i don't have anything against you personally, but i don't like the way you act or the things you do."

"what am i if not the way i act and the things i do? what is it about me that you don't have anything against?"

"you're my child."

(i'm her obligation.)

"i know you'd rather see me gone than to see me the way that i am, but i am in this life anyway."